The One I Wanted

I saw it in a thrift store, not marked for sale, but I measured it for size anyway. I'd already been looking for a week or two and hadn't found anything good. This one was different, unique, lovely. Old dried gum was stuck to the side, and I was already imagining cleaning it off. It held stacks of old coffee cups which looked like they would crack into each other if you looked at one.

This was a shelf made for books. This was a display. The spines would angle upward to the approaching reader like a heartfelt offering.

I asked if they'd sell. Not interested.

Still thinking about it and unable to find another shelf, I asked again two weeks later, this time with a suggested price. Not interested without a replacement to hold the mugs.

The next week, I bought a shelf for a replacement and asked again.

Not interested ever.

I may have sulked. Later I may have shed a tear (or had a nasty cry for a few minutes) as I put together the replacement shelf for myself.

Sorry, awesome bookshelf. Your destiny is to hold stacked coffee cups nobody wants instead of displaying books that will be read. I wanted to save you, enjoy you, reclaim you for your intended purpose. Take you to my new house the next time I move. But the future I imagined wasn't to be.

I couldn't save you.

And instead I got the substitute that was never meant for books. But it will do for now.

It's ugly. And not what I wanted.

But it has books on it; they're no longer stacked on the floor. And my room looks like a room.

 

Practicing Purposeful

This Labor Day weekend was an exercise in my word of the year. This Labor Day weekend, I made the most of my days by deciding what the things I really truly actually wanted to do most were. One must-do per day.

Of course, as days are long it evolved into divisions by time of day (morning, afternoon, after dinner), but I had a focus point. "Today I really want to spend some time ________________________." And it was different each day. Each thing required me to say no to the other, the unessential. Each thing required me to step up and pursue my life. I was--I am--pursuing what I want to do and who I want to be. I want to be a person unafraid to do what matters most to me. I want to be a person unafraid to choose what is most important to me.

Monday: Looked for books and did some writing at Barnes & Noble

I still did things for others. My personal list didn't interfere with being a contributing member of this household. And therein is the beauty. A balance with boundaries. Some for me; some for you. No one is cheated; no one is overextended.

Sunday: I remember sitting in a photo booth with my aunt years ago. Good times.

Does the weekend have to end?


Well, these days on the calendar do, of course. That's the nature of time. But this practice, why does it have to be only on long weekends, or non-work-days in general? Sure there are a limited number of minutes in a day. But that's why being purposeful with those minutes is so good. Not being obsessed--sometimes the timing won't work out or other things will take precedence over what I planned or wanted; that happens to everyone and it happened this weekend. So I just chose something else that was possible that I really wanted to do rather than wasting the time doing things that weren't important to me. Purposeful.

And that's what I've been practicing this weekend.

Saturday: Oh yes. I colored my hair for the first time ever. And probably not the last.

Happy Labor Day Weekend!