Thursday, October 13
In case you haven't read the Harry Potter books (I believe it's introduced in book three, the same year that Lupin enters the story), a boggart is a creature that takes the form of the thing it thinks will frighten you most. And the crafty devil is highly intuitive.
For a long time I've had a hard time putting my finger on what my boggart would be. It's not that I don't have fears (just put a spider in front of me and see if I jump...or avoid it as long as possible, as I've done with the dead crispy one in the light socket above me [fluorescent light inset fixture] instead of cleaning it out and replacing the light bulb). But things like spiders and creepy bugs aren't my worst fears.
Today I was able to put a name to what my worst fear is. And I realized, I've already faced it several times, leaving the encounter scarred but whole. Also, a boggart might have a hard time taking a precise form of my fear, as it is not so much of an object or person as it is a concept.
So, what is it? Well, I'll tell you.
My worst fear is rejection.
It can take scads of forms, and I've seen it several times, some more subtle than others. Before I remembered I'd already faced and fought it for years, and when necessary moved on, it was the thing preventing me from taking actions that would allow me to move forward in the adventure that is life and discover what's next. Why risk rejection when I can simply avoid any possibility of it by standing still (yes, that dead spider is still above me, but if I don't look up....)?
But I've had some pretty tough to take rejections and have been able to learn, heal, and move on from them. Why should I fear what I've already handled? I know what it's like. Of course I don't enjoy it, but I know from experience that I can work though it and move on. So I should.
So, I will, and I'll laugh at that silly boggart until it explodes.
Okay, now I've got to ask: What's your boggart?