Absentminded Woolgathering

I watch and I wait and I try to hold fast. I am a shieldmaiden of the shelter, defender of the home, but not an adventurer or soldier on mission. My assignment is wait, watch, hope.

Essentially, this fellow said it perfectly. I have thoughts like that at times; I often wish for such pivotal life moments. But they don’t always happen the way they’re expected. Sometimes I have a sweet thought of a romantic moment, and suddenly I’m disappointed because I realize it probably won’t happen that way. I’ve “jinxed it,” or rather, God’s plan is always better than mine if mine is other than His, and often He chooses to surprise, so I don’t imagine that my daydreams becoming reality will be His primary method. Sometimes my imaginings are creative, but I have to remember He is more creative than I.

I am a shieldmaiden, so I watch. But when the meeting comes, I will likely be caught off guard, unprepared, and at a loss for words. My first defense is silence. My second, quiet reasoning. It may be agonizing, wishing that I could act, that I could speak, but it will be perfect. It may be shy and sweet, but it will be perfect. It may not seem like the life-changing moment it is, but it will be perfect. It may have movie soundtrack music in the background (though that might be awkward), but it will be perfect.

Perfect because I didn’t plan it; He did.

And that is enough for me.

Failure...or Plot Suspense?

It's not hard for a writer to feel like a failure. If he's not writing, then he's obviously not doing what he's supposed to. If he is writing so much that other responsibilities slide by or he doesn't live in the realm of reality between writing sessions, then he's obsessed and clearly off in the head.


Now, obviously there is a middle ground, but finding that balance between writing and living is remarkably tricky.

I, for one, frequently feel like a failure when it comes to writing. I fall in the first category. I spend so much time taking care of people and trying to maintain a semblance of sanity and cleanliness against a losing battle, that when I have time to write or edit...I sleep in. Maybe I'll pick up a book, one that's already been written and published by someone else, not my own. Oh, no. That takes too much emotional commitment and too much energy.

But I work, too. I co-teach and I tutor, and I love my jobs. Twice a week I get to talk about the workings of story and writing to the next generation, and I get paid for it! It's quite the pick-me-up, and I get excited to work on my stories. But, and there's always a but, when I pack up from the "office" I get sidetracked, distracted, and sometimes guilt-tripped into taking care of something that's more important or urgent (like, you know, people are very important).

So, I'm a caregiver more than a writer right now. Not exactly a "success story" of a writer, but still, I can't stop being a writer. It's part of my core (like phoenix tail, not a canary feather or a frog tongue, was in the core of Harry's wand). That means, that I will always come back to writing. Like this blog post right now. I have to go run some errands (after all, I need sweet tea), but I had a thought, and I needed to write it down.

So, what is one to do? While I can't speak from experience about a writer who does nothing but write, I can speak as one who hardly writes. When I'm not writing, when I'm living in the fantastical realm of reality, I'm gaining experience in the world and understanding of the aspects of it. I'm learning about myself and others (in short, people), and I'm learning about how creation works, and even more about Who created it.

And, later, that will be useful to writing and editing stories.

So, even though I'm not writing much, and I don't feel like a success as a writer right now...

Nothing is wasted. It just adds suspense and anticipation.

Just like in a polished work of fiction.

I need to write more

I stopped writing blog entries for a little bit because I think I was putting too much emphasis on it, or perhaps too much "this is how I will be loved"...in other words, it became something of an idol I had to sacrifice to and daren't skip an offering.

Oops.

So, I quit. Quite purposefully, I simply stopped posting, even stopped writing drafts. But, as long as I can come to it with the right attitude, it's not a sin to write for a blog. So, I'm back. :) And happy to be so. I like writing. I really like writing fiction (though that's draining), but I also like writing creative non-fiction. Even article writing is sometimes fun.

And this is my blog. It can be whatever I want.

So. Let's resume, shall we?