Monday, May 14

A Squishy Pile of Dismissal

I don't blog much. That's because I don't think I have much to say. And if I do think of something, I have to have essay style and A+ grade quality before I'm willing to hit that frightening, orange "publish" button. As such, I don't blog much, I have few readers (fewer who aren't related to me), and conversations don't really happen in the comments section.

But I love people and I love talking with them. I love sharing myself (no, really), just not in loud, crowded rooms where everyone wants to say ten things and I figure I'll let them have their piece and if we get to me we do and if not, well then, oh well.


But...this here blog is my piece. And I can say what I want on it. People may or may not want to read it (I'd really rather write things that offer at least mild interest), but if they do then we might get to talking about something. And that would be great!

I recently posted some (far from all) of my thoughts on The Hunger Games, and I was pushing back terror of what people might think or say of me or to me. I hate being told I'm wrong. Hate it. Surely you can relate? And, somehow I have this emotional struggle when someone tells me, not that I'm wrong, but that there's more to it and I haven't covered the subject wholly (A+ exhaustive essay, right?), I think that somehow reflects on my value and on how well others think about me.

Oops. Why do emotions like to pendulum swing when thoughts stay fairly steady?

I guess I haven't figured out how to use this medium yet. I've tried one approach after another...then I get distracted from what I wanted to do with the blog.

But maybe I don't exactly have to do anything with it. I'd like it to be like a journal...but then I always had a hard time expressing my real thoughts and emotions to my own, locked up, hidden journal, too. I'd like it to be like sitting down with a friend or two and chatting over a tasty drink or box of cookies.

I want to be genuine, and I think I am...but I wonder how much I come across as fake?

Well, today I don't have any answers, just a squishy pile of dismissal contained within my body. Maybe someday I'll get it; maybe someday I won't be afraid; maybe someday I'll have confidence in my voice--in large, public (though potentially obscure) formats.

A girl can dream. Better yet, a girl can look forward to a brighter future.

Here's to that!


  1. Replies
    1. lol, the skill of brevity is strong in you. :o) Thanks for piping up, Josh.

  2. The thing about blogging is that you don't have to write the exhaustive essay each time (in fact, I don't recommend it). Try breaking your thoughts up into units and writing a series of posts about something that is important to you. Comments suggesting you haven't covered the topic enough just means you need to write more about it. It doesn't mean you've failed at all--in fact, you've created interest or instilled it in others. :)
    I have returned to the same subjects numerous times on my blog, adding a new facet to the topic from time to time as it occurs to me. The informality of the blog format allows you to write in smaller segments without having to write the definitive dissertation on the subject all at once.
    I hope for you that you find with your blogging that (1) God has given you a unique talent to put feelings and thoughts into words, (2) you have nothing to be ashamed about when you use your skill in the service of God.
    Write about things that God would have you talk about. Talk about things that edify and strengthen the faith, that promote deeper thinking about what we do and accept, problems and situations we encounter in our daily lives, and especially things that you are especially equipped to talk about from experiences God has sent into your life. What you have to say, and how you say it, are unique to you and can't be said the same way by anyone else. Your words can help people (if you speak the truth in love) or they can tear down people (if you speak outside of godliness and truth). You are a special tool in the hands of God, so don't be ashamed when He uses you to do His work through your writing! Keep up the good work. :)

    1. Thanks, Rachel. I'll try to keep at it.
      "Comments suggesting you haven't covered the topic enough just means you need to write more about it. It doesn't mean you've failed at all--in fact, you've created interest or instilled it in others. :)"
      I find that encouraging. Maybe enough for me to have the guts to continue some of my old series' and to keep on with some that I thought I might expand on.

  3. If you're anything like me, a lot of your hesitation could be coming from a fear of public speaking. That's what a blog is, after all: public speaking in a written format. I got over my fears of that kind of thing by taking every chance I could get to do public speaking, until now I'm perfectly comfortable with it - and therefore perfectly comfortable with public speaking via blog as well. You could try taking a class on it, or getting into some amateur plays, or continuing to teach classes... there are a lot of ways to get that experience.

    Regarding the dearth of commenting, I think it has less to do with you and more to do with your readership. My blog has a fairly decent following at this point, but rarely do I get comments (rarer still that aren't antagonistic), and I know another Christian blogger with a following in the hundreds (maybe thousands) who still only gets a steady little trickle of comments. I figure there's probably only 1 in 25 people who will even take the time to leave a comment in the first place, and even then only when the topic is of particular interest to them. What I'm trying to say is: I know from experience how frustrating it is to not have feedback when you are putting yourself out there, but just recognize that you have to do a fair bit of marketing yourself before you can reasonably expect much. (after all, if there's a glut of books on the market, there's exponentially more of a blogging glut; every one of those blogs is begging for feedback, and there ain't enough people to make it happen for everyone)

    1. Fear of public speaking, fear of tripping over my own words...or life, fear of public rejection... things like that. :)

      And, yeah, I know there's a glut as you say (you do like that word, don't you?), and I myself comment far less frequently than I read, so I do understand. I guess a part of me wishes that the blogosphere could actually be a sit down with some milk and cookies with friends, but it doesn't quite work that way. At least not for me, at least not right now. I guess I can still hope for that hidden trickle, "butterfly effect," or branching tree we talked about a couple weeks ago to happen with this blog. :o)