The pressing silence.
Sometimes, after an hour or so of excitement I want nothing more than a little solitary quiet time. Usually with music playing quietly (or maybe something bouncy to get me dancing), but sometimes, rare times I prefer no music, no major background noise except maybe for a clock (why is the shifting of the seconds hand soothing?).
And sometimes after an hour or so of excitement, I can't stand to slow down and be quiet. The loud hum of the refrigerator is the only sound. I might as well be all alone in this house. And nothing of particular excitement or interaction is going on in the social media (Facebook) realm. I tried reading blogs, but just couldn't settle on anything to peruse. I thought about working on one of my stories, but I think my head (and heart) doesn't want to work that hard right now.
I need to recharge, but I don't want to be alone. But I'm not playing on Facebook or leaving comments on blogs. I suppose there is the phone, but it's hard to have companionable silence on an audio-only communication device.
The house is too quiet. It feels empty and dark (well, most of the lights are off), which makes me feel empty even though I just finished my pizza and tea.
I think what I feel right now is sad, but I can't think of a reason for it. I know I'm tired. A nap has sounded beautiful all day, and the one I got was kinda nice (though I don't think my feet ever warmed up, sigh).
I want to be fixed. But there's nothing wrong with me.
I guess maybe I feel lonely. Isolated. I just had some fun with some kids who are full of energy and excitement for life. I wish I hadn't let things beat me down so much over the years so that I wouldn't frequent this lonely little hollow. I wish I shared the kids' optimism, owning it like I used to when I was younger. I wish I hadn't misplaced my copy of Tangled. That would set me to rights. Though it is a romance, and I wish I wasn't single. But then, I also enjoy being single. Another conundrum.
Seems like this moment is filled with conundrums.
Thankfully, Pandora just kicked in.
*Post publishing addition: as soon as I hit the "Publish" button, "Just Haven't Met You Yet" by Michael Bublé came on my Pandora station.
Now that's timing.