Friday, May 18

Loud Hollow

The pressing silence.

Sometimes, after an hour or so of excitement I want nothing more than a little solitary quiet time. Usually with music playing quietly (or maybe something bouncy to get me dancing), but sometimes, rare times I prefer no music, no major background noise except maybe for a clock (why is the shifting of the seconds hand soothing?).

And sometimes after an hour or so of excitement, I can't stand to slow down and be quiet. The loud hum of the refrigerator is the only sound. I might as well be all alone in this house. And nothing of particular excitement or interaction is going on in the social media (Facebook) realm. I tried reading blogs, but just couldn't settle on anything to peruse. I thought about working on one of my stories, but I think my head (and heart) doesn't want to work that hard right now.

I need to recharge, but I don't want to be alone. But I'm not playing on Facebook or leaving comments on blogs. I suppose there is the phone, but it's hard to have companionable silence on an audio-only communication device.

The house is too quiet. It feels empty and dark (well, most of the lights are off), which makes me feel empty even though I just finished my pizza and tea.

I think what I feel right now is sad, but I can't think of a reason for it. I know I'm tired. A nap has sounded beautiful all day, and the one I got was kinda nice (though I don't think my feet ever warmed up, sigh).

I want to be fixed. But there's nothing wrong with me.

I guess maybe I feel lonely. Isolated. I just had some fun with some kids who are full of energy and excitement for life. I wish I hadn't let things beat me down so much over the years so that I wouldn't frequent this lonely little hollow. I wish I shared the kids' optimism, owning it like I used to when I was younger. I wish I hadn't misplaced my copy of Tangled. That would set me to rights. Though it is a romance, and I wish I wasn't single. But then, I also enjoy being single. Another conundrum.

Seems like this moment is filled with conundrums.

Thankfully, Pandora just kicked in.

*Post publishing addition: as soon as I hit the "Publish" button, "Just Haven't Met You Yet" by Michael Bublé came on my Pandora station.
Now that's timing.


  1. I've been learning lately to take my slumpy, unproductive days in stride. Sometimes all I want to do is craft/work on my shops, sometimes all I want to do is read, sometimes all I can think about is tidying up the house. And some days I just want to do nothing. Nothing extra anyway. Just the bare minimum. I'm learning that this is okay for me, partly because it doesn't happen very often, partly because I know it will pass shortly, and partly because no matter what I do, I can't convince myself to do anything on those off days.

    I have no idea if this has anything to do with what's happening with you right now. But the slumps do tend to come, do they not?

    1. They certainly do. I like it when they're short lived. Fortunately writing this out (and therefore telling *somebody,* Hi, somebody!), music coming on, and "Just Haven't Met You Yet" playing helped (sometimes that song makes me happy, sometimes sad; yay that this time it was happy!).

      I have yet to figure out how to take the slumps in stride. Props to you!