Friday, May 18

Loud Hollow

The pressing silence.

Sometimes, after an hour or so of excitement I want nothing more than a little solitary quiet time. Usually with music playing quietly (or maybe something bouncy to get me dancing), but sometimes, rare times I prefer no music, no major background noise except maybe for a clock (why is the shifting of the seconds hand soothing?).

And sometimes after an hour or so of excitement, I can't stand to slow down and be quiet. The loud hum of the refrigerator is the only sound. I might as well be all alone in this house. And nothing of particular excitement or interaction is going on in the social media (Facebook) realm. I tried reading blogs, but just couldn't settle on anything to peruse. I thought about working on one of my stories, but I think my head (and heart) doesn't want to work that hard right now.

I need to recharge, but I don't want to be alone. But I'm not playing on Facebook or leaving comments on blogs. I suppose there is the phone, but it's hard to have companionable silence on an audio-only communication device.

The house is too quiet. It feels empty and dark (well, most of the lights are off), which makes me feel empty even though I just finished my pizza and tea.

I think what I feel right now is sad, but I can't think of a reason for it. I know I'm tired. A nap has sounded beautiful all day, and the one I got was kinda nice (though I don't think my feet ever warmed up, sigh).

I want to be fixed. But there's nothing wrong with me.

I guess maybe I feel lonely. Isolated. I just had some fun with some kids who are full of energy and excitement for life. I wish I hadn't let things beat me down so much over the years so that I wouldn't frequent this lonely little hollow. I wish I shared the kids' optimism, owning it like I used to when I was younger. I wish I hadn't misplaced my copy of Tangled. That would set me to rights. Though it is a romance, and I wish I wasn't single. But then, I also enjoy being single. Another conundrum.

Seems like this moment is filled with conundrums.


Thankfully, Pandora just kicked in.



*Post publishing addition: as soon as I hit the "Publish" button, "Just Haven't Met You Yet" by Michael Bublé came on my Pandora station.
Now that's timing.

2 comments:

  1. I've been learning lately to take my slumpy, unproductive days in stride. Sometimes all I want to do is craft/work on my shops, sometimes all I want to do is read, sometimes all I can think about is tidying up the house. And some days I just want to do nothing. Nothing extra anyway. Just the bare minimum. I'm learning that this is okay for me, partly because it doesn't happen very often, partly because I know it will pass shortly, and partly because no matter what I do, I can't convince myself to do anything on those off days.

    I have no idea if this has anything to do with what's happening with you right now. But the slumps do tend to come, do they not?

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    1. They certainly do. I like it when they're short lived. Fortunately writing this out (and therefore telling *somebody,* Hi, somebody!), music coming on, and "Just Haven't Met You Yet" playing helped (sometimes that song makes me happy, sometimes sad; yay that this time it was happy!).

      I have yet to figure out how to take the slumps in stride. Props to you!

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