Alligator Party

I...have inspired art.

Mostly because I was being silly.

My work here is done.

Last week, a friend of mine was working on a weekly drawing (meaning he makes a drawing in a sketchbook once a week, not he gives something away once a week--there was some amusing confusion about this earlier online). He wasn't sure what to make, so in the interest of something quick and easy (and Owl City and silly) I tossed "Alligator Sky." into the comment section thinking that he could draw funny shaped clouds and call it done.

But nooooo. He took that idea and made it into something much better.

My friends, Weekly Drawing #4 by Joshua Martin, multi-talented artist:

See all of his weekly drawings here.

See more of Josh's art at his fanpage. I think you'll like what you see.

Needin' Some Beauty Sleep

That awkward moment when you're ready to join Inomniacs Anonymous.

This insomnia thing is getting weird. For the last...however long...I haven't slept enough. At first it was a bad habit during school, mismanaged homework and balancing life, but back then I still called midnight late; certainly 1am was late. Yet after graduation it seems 2am quickly became a regular thing. (And this is with knowing from experience that my body favors 9 hours of straight sleep--I feel great after that much sleep!)

I knew this wasn't intelligent, though it's a really hard habit to break, so I've been trying to get to bed earlier, and mostly failing at that, but even when I do manage a midnight or earlier lights-out, I'm still usually awake until 1 or 2am. Taking a long time to get to sleep isn't a new thing to me; I remember waiting for sleep to come for what seemed like forever over a decade ago. Of course, when I was ten and younger "forever" may have been less time then than it is now.

I thought I would be able to readjust my sleeping/waking clock after I was awake the entire night once last week. Of course, it would have helped if I'd been in bed before midnight the next night, but was I? Well, I tried to be. Alas.

I'm not sure this is exactly insomnia, though. I sleep pretty well in the morning, after the sun is up.

I keep joking that I just need to go to Hawai`i and I'll already be on the appropriate sleeping/waking schedule. (If only....)

My dad said I don't get enough exercise. I knew that, but could it be that simple to solve? Looks like I'll be hitting the indoor running track in the near future.

After I cried out to my brother "I'm an insomniac" on Facebook around 1am (after I had dimmed my lights early and got to bed early), he offered some suggestions. His basic idea was I don't have to sleep but I can rest. Huh. I tried what he said and it was surprising how the simple thought "I don't have to sleep" was actually freeing, mentally. It still took a while to get to sleep that night, but it became less frustrating that I wasn't asleep already. It wasn't an attainable goal, so I reached for one I could manage. And it helped, noticeably, for a couple or few nights even. Sadly though the benefits seem short lived (but not entirely, and I'm gonna keep tryin'!) One idea was focused muscle relaxation. I'm still not exactly sure what that means, but I tried it by tensing my entire body then relaxing it. I've tried it again, but I've been fairly stiff at night lately, so I haven't been successful. I wonder if some stretching before bed would be a good idea.

Now, if only I could get a massage every night before bed, ahhhhhh, that would be wonderful. I had my first ever massage by a professional last week, and even though it was brief, afterwards I was ready for some long-term relaxin'. (No, it didn't happen.)

A friend has suggested that I take melatonin before bed. I won't deny that I'd thought about it, but I'm also not sure I want to do that. I thought if I could lessen the stress I face in life (a good idea in general, don't you think?), sleep wouldn't be so elusive (at the right time of the day), and that would be better. But after another nearly sleepless night on Friday (for no apparent reason; the previous one had a reason), I'll be thinking about it again you can be sure. Now I just have to keep tyring to convince my body that bedtime is sometime before midnight but after seven in the evening (baaaaad time for me to take a nap! don't ask me how I know). I'm guessing it's a process.

I wonder if it would help if I got a dog or cat to cuddle with at night? Oh yes, the reasoning for a furry pet is building in my mind now. muahahaha....

Do you have the insomnia blues? What do you do to counter them?

 

There Are Times

There are times

when the phone rings late

and I hear the tears

before I know anything else

When all I know is a friend’s hurt

and with her I ache

a chance lost

a hope drowned

a truth buried

With her I cry

wishing somehow

to take the weight away

to stem the bleeding

to apply the balm

But my temper flares

when I hear how she was hurt

and I’m ready for war

like a mother bear

God help me

I need to remember

You are in control

You offer grace

to those who don’t deserve it

including me

And I look back at my friend

my sister for years

covered with fresh and dried tears

and inside I break

and with her I weep

The night drags dark

but together we somehow know

we somehow still hope

the night will end

a new dawn will shine

and we count the hours

until then.

Public Domain Image

 

Mr. Rogers Was My Neighbor

Growing up, I always liked this show. The world of Make-Believe was my favorite, but I got to where I could appreciate the other parts just about as much.

Now, it's all rolled up into this...awesomeness. New theme song for writing and life!

Squee!, second part

Let the excitement continue!

Read the prologue at Rebekah's website here.

Two weeks ago, I told you about the e-release of Petals by my twin-separated-at-birth (but not really) and best friend (really), Rebekah Roberts. I shared a quick interview and a little bit about the book and I got my copy. You can read that bubbly post here. (And remember, I'm not getting paid for this, not even bribery money.)

Well, today, when I postponed breakfast and hopped online, I scooted over to Amazon.com and found the paperback is already ready to order! It will also be available at BarnesandNoble.com; it's jut not up quite yet.


Last time, I had asked my twin some more questions about her writing, and now I would like to share them with you.

 

D: What has the journey been like to getting published?

R: Amazingly fast. I know that I am so blessed to have found a publisher so quickly. I hope that that means my book is something special.


D: Where do you write?

R: I love to go to Barnes and Noble. Most of Petals was produced there. The smell of coffee and new books gets me in the writing mood.

D: Do you have a writing routine?

R: Not really. I just try to fit it in where I can. I work long hours and there isn't always time. I think lamenting over not getting in our writing time is a constant struggle with most writers.

D: So what do you like to do in your free time?

R: Lately I have been napping. ;) But when I am not sleepy, there is nothing I like more than to hang out with my family or a good friend. I love reading and TV and movies, but I think, given the choice I would rather hang out and have a good talk with someone than just about anything.

D: Probably because you're an encourager. How do you hope to encourage readers with Petals?

R: The themes that are in Petals and now in the following books have a lot to do with true beauty and true love. I love romances, but I want to write a story that is more than just "boy meets girl." I want to write a story that has broken characters that may not be perfect by the last page but they are on their way to becoming better people and then maybe somehow that might affect a reader in his or her own life.

D: What is your fear with your book?

R: Wow... Good question. I guess, that no one will buy it... But I think more than that I am afraid of sending the wrong messages. I set out to send a message about beauty and love, but I have learned so much since I wrote it that I hope it still rings with truth. A single book is just a small stopping place in a writer's life. I have grown so much as a person and as a writer since I started the project, so I just hope my younger self knew what she was talking about.

D: Everybody has dreams. What are yours?

R: My dream as an author (wow that looks weird to type, author..), is to keep writing and keep getting published. I don't know that I will ever just write. I am currently a full-time nanny and I love it. I think I will always write and do something else, at least on the side. As for personal dreams... I'm like any hardcore dreamer, I want my own fairytale, my own happily ever after and I pray that I find it someday.

D: In addition to writing and nanny-ing (yeah, I don't think that's a word yet) you also have a ministry outreach in the works. Tell me about it.

R: Unfolding Rose Ministries is a new adventure that I am embarking on this fall. It is a ministry that I'm starting. I want to use my own fiction, other fiction, and interviews I'm conducting with men and women as a way to talk to young women about love, purity, modesty, guys, true beauty, and most of all who they are in Christ.   

D: What keeps you going every day?

R: My faith in Christ. I suffer from anxiety. It's something that I am not ashamed to talk about and anyone who knows me, knows I deal with worry and doubt on a daily basis. I guess you could call me a sensitive artist or just a plain old worry wart, but God takes that and uses it. Jesus is the one who gets me out of my head and gives me the strength to be there for others. It's because of my fears that I am able to write better characters and I am able to be sensitive to other peoples' struggles. So I thank God for my weakness and I thank Him for His strength in my life.    

D: What's the one thing you want people to know about you?

R: I guess what it says in the info section of my personal Facebook page: "I am the creation of The Creator, the loved of The Lover, the daughter of The Father and the saved of the Savior. I am His."  And that this book is for Him as well.

 

You can keep up with the latest from Rebekah on her Facebook page or Twitter profile. There's also more at her official website, RebekahRoberts.net. And for fun, you can listen to the playlist that Rebekah put together of songs and videos that inspired Petals.

I've started reading my e-copy, and I'm excited to get my signed book soon! And I can't wait to find it in bookstores and geek out in a public place! Oh yes, I will be looking.

Cover image by 5 Prince Publishing

                                              "Beauty might just be the beast."

        Calla Williams is not like other girls.  Most girls spend their whole lives trying to be beautiful, Calla already is…and she hates it.
        When she is shipped off one summer to live with family friends in their dilapidated Mississippi plantation, Calla is faced with the prospect of living with strangers and their teenage son.  This is annoying because, like any other boy, he is sure to fall in love with her on sight. However, Griffin Davenport is not your typical teenage guy. With his hot temper and half of his face severely scarred, “hate at first sight” is closer to what she finds.
        Though the two teens try to stay out of each other’s way, an odd attraction to each other makes staying away anything but easy.
        Now, Calla must deal with growing feelings, her own prejudices, and finding the secret to Griffin’s past. As hate turns to friendship and friendship becomes something more, Calla learns a startling truth: God uses even how we look in His plan for our lives.

Polly want...more?

You've seen the trick with teaching a parrot the word "four", right?

What's twelve divided by three?
"Four."
What's "quatro" mean?
"Four."
What do golf players yell?
"Fore."

If I ever get a parrot, I'm going to teach it the word "more".

Was that a good snack?
"More!"
How many shows should we watch?
"More!"
How many words should I write?

What I Do is This

Someone explain to me how one person saying I'm courageous + painting a room for an old friend + non-fluffy conversation with that old friend + Inheritance by Christopher Paolini + a hot shower can = knowing what I do (and therefore, in part, who I am).

Seriously. Can you explain that?


Maybe I can try. I'm going to start with courage.

I recently asked my friends, via Facebook, what do they think when they think of me? I got a little variety in the responses. But one in particular, the one that began with "full of courage" (and a few other things) took me by surprise. I thought to myself, What is she talking about? She doesn't know me very well, and she thinks I'm courageous?

It was a pretty insightful response for someone whom I hardly ever see and talk to, so I had to take it seriously. Maybe she knows me better than I think she does. Maybe she's right that I am courageous.

Now, the easy answer is a brush-off (whether sincere or false modesty--one of the things my friend and I talked about while painting). And another easy answer is to say, "But of course." I don't wish to go for the easy this time. Most of the time I do not think I'm courageous at all; I'm pretty chicken...and selfish. But there are a few times where I can recognize that I have been in a situation that took courage and I was able to exercise that courage. But mostly? As a defining characteristic?

I wish I was courageous.

How much bravery does it take to be in my shoes, really? To stay with my parents, fully supported by them, and mix life with writing, chores, doctors, prescription runs, barely keeping up with the dishes (sometimes), dreaming of making my room into a little haven, seeing friends, church, various outings (sometimes brief, sometimes long, sometimes alone, sometimes with Mom)...


I wish I could tell you I was brave enough to write this out. But everything in me is saying not to. It's not a "don't post this" it's a "don't write this." Why? Because I don't want you to know all these details. I don't want to admit my shortcomings. Honestly, I don't want to admit that I live with Mommy and Daddy. And I neither want to project false modesty nor smugness.

::deep breath:: Time to plow through.


I will admit I hate introducing "what I do" when I meet someone new. I let my best friend tell whomever when I can because she can put it in a way that it honestly sounds good. But I think it honestly sounds...well, small, childish perhaps, weak even. What I do is simply this: I write, and I fail at writing; I live with my parents and help my family and particularly my mom at home, and I fail at that too; I spend time with friends and try to grow relationships, and I fail at that as well. I follow Christ, and I fail at that. Everything I do I manage to both do well and to fail at doing well. Positive or negative spinning, either way, this is simply what I do.

When I do try to explain it to people, or mention that I'm not seeking a 9-5 job in order to continue doing what I do, I feel like the uttermost loser in the room. I can't explain it in a way that makes sense to others, I can't even understand why I think my choice is a wise one half the time.

And yet, there I am, painting the wall with a dear old friend and talking about life and anything that comes up, including somehow my writing and lack of income and trying to manage things...and follow my dream, really.

Do I want to support myself and live on my own? Of course I do. But I'm taking a year (1 month down, yikes) to work on my writing. Near the end of the year I will reassess again.


What of Inheritance? Well, in the story, the characters all have a true name, and I was recently reading the part where Eragon tries to and does learn his own. The true name is spoken in the ancient language which has magical properties, and no one can lie when using that tongue. The true name reveals the deepest, most real core being of a character, and with that name one can have complete power and control over the one named.

The true name is not biased. It covers both the good points and the bad. Achievements and shortcomings alike. Personal history, knowledge, and attitude. Anything and everything about a person. It is the fullest answer to the question, "Who am I?"


So, thinking over all these things--courage, painting, the serious conversations, and true names--in the relaxing shower, I realized, what I do is a part of who I am. It's not biased; it just is. I have good qualities and bad. I lack courage (to strike out on my own), and I have courage (to stay where things are not my own, and to imagine that my dream can happen). I am a grown adult, and I live with my parents. I do things, and I fail at them. I keep trying, and I postpone.

It's not exactly pretty. And it's not exactly ugly either. It simply is. It is what I do, a part of who I am. At this point, it's a very large part of who I am.

And, realizing that, I think I can step closer to accepting that. Someday I may even be able to do what I do to it's full advantage.

It's probably not what you do, and it's not who you are. I can be very similar to you, but I will never be you. And you won't ever be me. We simply are who we are. And this is who I am and what I do.


My best friend read this post (trying to help me determine whether or not to post it) and mentioned this verse. I think it fits pretty well.

Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.  -- Philippians 3:12-14