Yes, but can I do it again?

Last year I hid in my closet for a month, occasional treats and hot coffee nearby, earphones on with my playlist waking up the right emotions, and keyboard offering the rewarding soft tapping noises. Fifty-three thousand words in thirty days.

That was a challenging, rewarding experience.

I learned that I could budget my time (some) and get out a rough draft of a complete novel in a hurry. I counted myself among the thousands of winners. I took a silly picture to show you my happiness. And then I got busy with other parts of life.

I won NaNoWriMo last year.

Yes, but can I do it again?

I'm nervous. I want to write a story next month. I need to write a story. But can I do it?

I can't even write this post. I'm getting distracted by other things and thinking I should spend my time elsewhere.

I know I need to do this. I need to know I can make myself, perhaps let myself, value the act of creating a work of words in a full time schedule, in a new town, new everything environment.

And I need to choose a project. The stories are bouncing around in my head with new fervor. It's an exciting orbit that if I let it will do nothing but continue to circle and I'll never tell another story. I have to pick one, temporarily valuing it more than the others to focus on it and make it right before I can tell the next one. Choosing is hard. I want to see where all of them will go. But I am a linear being, so if it is to happen, it must be one story at a time. Which one will be next month? Which one will I start in six days?

I don't know if this post is coherent or not. This evening I am an excited, jumbled, nervous mess. But I came across this quote on Twitter, and for now I'll leave it at pondering this quote from Maya Angelou:

A bird doesn't sing because it has an answer, it sings because it has a song.

Drumroll....

Thirty days into the challenge and two days after officially winning NaNoWriMo...

And with an official NaNoWriMo word count of 53,207...

I HAVE FINISHED MY STORY!!!

Do You Nano?

Okay, deep breath, I'm plunging in. Without enough time to talk myself out of it, I have decided I'm going to participate in NaNoWriMo 2012. It's time for some writerly abandon, forget the rules, which I tend to be a stickler for (well, if someone tells me to do something in this way, I'll do my best to match it. I might experiment if specifically given permission to do so. Otherwise....), and let my whimsies and fantasies take flight on paper. Or computer. ... Eh?

Yes, I know that was weird.

Oh well, forget the "rules", right? NaNoWriMo isn't supposed to be the prettiest thing I ever write. It's just supposed to get done.

I've written two novels before. Both in first draft form, one took about a year, the second made it somewhere in probably five months (...hey, I just realized, that's progress!). Now for the one month challenge. This is going to be awesome. And just like major exercise after not using those muscles much for a long time, I'm going to be oh so sore.

But I kinda like being sore. As long as I'm sure I'll recover. You know why? Because it means I'm getting stronger, and yes, I can meet the challenge.

Now is warmup time. Mentally and emotionally mostly, probably. Gotta get ready and head off the stereotypical writer's block and depression before they have a chance to hit.

Because I can do this.

I plan to be a winner.

I Don't Have the Beast's Library, But I Can at Least Make Mine Tidy

Hello! I thought I'd give a little picture update of the progress on my reading nook. My deadline looms Monday. We'll see if I can get it finished.

I hadn't done much on the nook since my last post, but today...well, once I started figuring out what kind of books I wanted where, things took off. I love seeing my possessions in a pretty fashion!

Granted, I didn't take "before" pictures, so this may fall flat without a comparison. But I don't care. I'm just glad it's looking nice(r) now. I'll let you know if I managed to finish it all by Monday sometime shortly after.

top shelf: favorite books
shelf with lamp (yay!): classic and favorite stories (Lord of the Rings, Anne of Green Gables, Strawberry Girl...)
shelf with the bookend vase: just some more books
bottom shelf cut off from picture, mwahahaha

Ta da! Open the door to reveal books I'm currently reading, a hard to see glass jar holding bookmarks (on top of a coaster, ready to pull out for coffee while reading), borrowed books and discs, and my CDs.

Part of the organizing of the reading nook made it necessary to also organize my other bookshelf. The very top is not finished. Left side has Bible reference material. Top shelf has miscellaneous reference-type on the left side and writing/English reference material on the right side. The lower shelf has a pile of pictures to sort (oi.) and my DVDs. The bottom shelf is cut off as it is not even started.

I think I have enough reference books for writing, don't you? Oh, wait. I forgot. There are a couple more I have that aren't on there yet. Hm.

Some things still need homes...or to be gotten rid of.

Addendum: Low light, lamp on, in use. It's a happy night.

Yes, that is a mock up of Winnie the Pooh. No, you may not skin my bear.

I'm going to work. That means, I'm sitting in my reading/writing nook, and will shortly work on more stories for my immediate and your eventual enjoyment.

Ah, a writer's life for me.

Yes, I did get the reading nook cleaned up. Some. I'm not done as it's not fully set up as I want it, but at least I can use it in the meantime—and have, staying up late last night in the all-out battle climax of Ranger's Apprentice: Book Four: The Battle for Skandia—and be further inspired to continue my work. Not bad for less than a full week into a three-week challenge, right?

It's a start.

Reading Nook

Let's keep things real, eh? I've been reading a lot more since I graduated, because during school (high school and college) I was busy with academics and taking care of family things and generally stressed. And because I wasted a lot of time online. Nevertheless...

I have a reading nook, just waiting to be useful. Right now it's not, because there's a pile of clothes and I think a pillow and blanket are hiding in the mass on my rocking chair. Also, there is a spilled mess of various boxes and papers (some school, some story...most story was for school, heh) in front and on either side of the chair.

I think papers may be my worst enemy on this earth.

As such, I want to read in my rocking chair nook (and it may also turn into my writing corner), but it'll take a lot of determined de-hoarding to get there, so I just read on the couch instead. The problem with that? The couch is located in the living room, as is the TV, which is on more than not, and when it comes to moving pictures, I'm like a moth to flame. Which means I don't read as much as I could, and reading time ebbs into doing other things time, which means less gets done all around.

Sometimes I'm too easily distracted.

Okay, risking another kick in the rear from Ami Hendrickson or others, I'm going to make a goal, because sometimes public goals with a grade looming get me moving (unless I never post this, ha!), and it's just not okay for this cycle to continue. February 13th seems a good deadline to have my reading nook ready for snuggling in.

And when I say "nook," I don't mean the ereader, 'cuz I bought a Kindle.

Am I alone in this cycle, or do some of you have difficulty setting aside a secluded area for reading? If you had that problem and overcame it, please share how you did it!

 

"The End" I wrote.

Except, well, I didn't actually write the end.  That part was already written.  (See my previous post on writing the end before getting there.)  I was missing a chunk in the middle, or late middle perhaps.  I had been whittling it down for some time.  Never a large piece in one sit down, and much time between sit downs, so I got kind of discouraged.  I also, like most folks, had a lot of responsibilities to take care of (many of which were new and not entirely expected, so it was difficult to adjust).

Anyway, that's enough sob to the story. ;)  Now that I have, as a friend said earlier today "a beginning, middle, and end" (and I added, "And they're connected!"), it's as if a weight has lifted off of my shoulders and I'm more ready for the next adventure now that the very first step of this one is completed.  In many ways, though I'm happy and excited, I'm not quite as much as I thought I would be.  Instead, I'm content and satisfied.  Not quite as ecstatic, but a comfortable and pleasant place to be all the same.  Although, it is very nice to be told "good job" by friends and family and to get excited with them, especially those who have been with me through this process. 

And it's been a long process.  It took me about a year from start to finish (of the actual writing part, not the pre-planning and all the jazz that I figured out before I even started the first sentence) to get "Makani's Serenity," the rough draft all the way through.  Now I know, writing the end before I get there is not the best way for me to tell a story if I hope to finish it.  So, I should just write faster. ;)

But, even though I spread writing the story out over a year, all in all, it really was just what I needed when I needed.  Writing my book and where I was at every stage helped me write the right emotions, moods, and pace, since I was quite frequently alongside my characters with their struggles, hopes, and efforts.  But that it perhaps, beside the point...for now.

For now, I am glad that I have finished something.  And not just any thing, but a full length novel manuscript.  I am a writer.  Maybe I can do this after all.

My thanks go to many people in many places, but Rebekah Roberts, Hadassah Fey, Jaimie Krycho, Ami Hendrickson, and the Write2TheEnd crew get special shout outs right now for encouraging me, challenging me, and persisting with me (and Jaimie keeps asking if Makani is all right, bless her.  I'm not gonna spoil the ending!).

...Now on to the next story and the next adventure, and mixed in, the wonderful world of editing!

Sometimes, a kick in the rear is what you need. Sometimes.

Okay, I haven't been very accountable about my goal to finish my book by (gulp) Saturday.  Yes, August 14 is already nigh upon me.

I got a little motivation from this guy who's writing a blog post on whatever that's awesome every single day.  I thought it was good to have deadlines and stuff like that.  Something to make you (okay, okay, me) accomplish the task and work toward the goal.  Especially since it is (yikes) visible to the world at large whether or not success is (I've run out of good words - I've used task and goal...next goal, improve vocabulary - without being obnoxious, of course), anyway, finish the race as it were.

But here was my real kick (that's for you Inception fans).  I joined a group on Twitter, #Write2TheEnd, of several writers who have set goals to finish their novels.  It's a support group.  And a challenge group.  I got a "teeny butt kick" from Ami Hendrickson.  It was true, I suppose, that I needed someone to say, Hey, I've noticed that you haven't done what you set out to do.  Of course, I knew I hadn't (not yet), but having some one else involved, someone who cares enough to say, Get back on track, and, You can do it, is a nice thing.  Even if it sometimes involves a teeny butt kick.

So, I finished typing up the 12 handwritten pages I had, and I checked the word count.  In the past nearly-a-month, I wrote 1,638 words in my notebook (well, okay maybe not quite that exact, because the typing was, after all, a chance for a little second drafting).  Anyway, typed up it was 1,638 words.  I'm actually pleased with this number, though it's not anywhere near enough, and (again, a gulp) I'm not changing my deadline marker.

Sooo, Saturday, or by the end of it, I have to cram in some probably, mmm, let's say 7,000 words (in the hopes that that's all it will take to bridge the gap that's left in the story).

7,000 I can do.  I hope.

I'd rather not need another kick in the rear.

So, win, lose, or draw (how one would draw a challenge such as this, I don't know), by Monday I will have an update on this blog to let the world know if I reached my goal or not.

Let's kick this pig!

Makani's Challenge

~

She stares at me with a hard look.  Her slanting pale blue eyes, accentuated by a dark blue ring around each iris, dig into my heart.

I look back at her, knowing I have let her down.

Makani gives me her penetrating, frustrated look.  "Finish the story," she tells me without speaking.

I fidget.  I have finished her story, but I haven't made it complete yet.  That's the problem with writing the end before you get there.

~

It started last year when I took a class for writing novels.  The goal in the class was to write 50,000 words, that make sense, in one novel story.  Since a novel is generally longer than 50,000 words, I purposefully wrote long, going into as much detail as I thought fleshed a scene and character out without aiming to finish the story at the word count.

Of course, I was ambitious and thought I would hit the word count and keep going, still finishing my novel within the duration of the class.

Someday I might learn.

At the beginning of the class, my teacher had told my classmates and myself that he wanted us to write the ends of our stories even if that meant we had to jump ahead to get there.  (He didn't want us to leave the class without knowing how to write the end of a novel.)

The class went on smoothly enough, and I enjoyed getting to know Makani and the other characters better.  After a while, the time came to write the end, and, as you might guess, ambitious though I was, I hadn't even come close to reaching the end.  I had to leap I didn't know how far forward to write the end.  But I knew some of what I wanted for Makani's story, so I went for it.  Long, stressful, uncertain journey crammed within a few weeks later, I was satisfied with the end of Makani's story, and I had met the required word count and passed the class.

Then all I had to do was fill in the gap before I took the next class with the same teacher to edit my story about six weeks later.  No big deal.  Right?

I confess, I still have not filled in what turned out to be a gaping hole in the story.

Thus, Makani's stare.

She and I both know the end.  We both know the things she will learn, the fears she must face, and whether or not she achieves her desires.

But the middle that's missing is important to the impact of the end.  I can't just stitch together the front half to the end without the missing part.  It wouldn't make as much sense, and it certainly wouldn't be satisfying.

~

I sigh.  "I haven't got it in me."  It's not true, but it's been my excuse for months.  "I don't know how."

"I'm stuck back in the middle and can't move forward.  What do you expect me to do?"

My lips twitch up.  She is a stubborn one.  That's part of why I like her so much.

"Finish the story."

I stare at my lap, contemplating how to do so, what I need to do.  I could argue that I don't have the time.  I could even try to argue that I don't have to finish the story.  I know the whole thing; I don't have to go through it again by writing it down.

But that's not true.  And we both know it.

"I need you to do this for me."

I raise my head.  Now she's the one looking down, flicking her fingers.  It's not easy for her to ask for help.  I know that.  But she's been quietly prodding me for months.  I left her with no other option.

"All right, Makani."

She looks into my eyes.  Hers are stunning and haunting.

I smile.  "I'll finish your story."

~

I will be focusing more energy on finishing Makani's Serenity, and as such, do not plan to post regularly, though I will still be around and reading what I can.  I do hope to post on here to let you know how far I've come, both as a certain level of accountability for me and as a way to stay connected.  My other adventures have been slowing down, and I think this is a wonderful opportunity to finish my year old task.  I need to finish.  I need to finish for myself, for Makani, and for those of you who are interested in her tale.

Thank you for reading my blog thus far, and don't worry.  I will be around and I will be back.  My goal is to have this first draft done by August 14th.  Let's see if I can make it together, shall we?

~